What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
