At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
