how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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