Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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