I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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