My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
