i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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