The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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