problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
