I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
