I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
