fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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