My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
