How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
