you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
