i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
