Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
