Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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