**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
