I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
