I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
