I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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