the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila