Umm I'm too high to move.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?