I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
