I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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