I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Houston, we have a blender
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
