OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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