Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
