Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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