Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
