she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
