I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you didnt know i had herpes?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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