Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
are you so shy because you have an std?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
