when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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