If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize