It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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