My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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