I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think my vagina is haunted
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
