1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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