you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
