What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
