I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
