Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
