I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
