I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize