I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
