So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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