I bet he comes in French.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
