just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My vagina is officially offended.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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