Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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