So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
