Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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