Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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