moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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