I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
