It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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