What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
another moral hangover. fuck.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
