I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
