I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
