do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
