I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
