No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
