cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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