he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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