Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
