Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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