I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
