Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
