so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
