I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
