Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
