He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
