What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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