I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
