How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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