So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
