You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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