She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
