if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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